Мне очень нравиться формулировка психолога Гордона Ньюфелда о главной задаче родителя в отношениях с ребёнком, а именно — стать ответом на потребности ребёнка.
В свою очередь привязанность это способ решить эту задачу.
Привязанность, согласно Ньюфелду, основа развития отношений между родителем и ребёнком. Задачи привязанности — удовлетворить потребность ребёнка в принятии, значимости, собственной ценности и понимании того, что ему рады в этом мире.
Без этих таких важных для каждого человека потребностей ребёнок вырастает во взрослого, который ищет привязанность (переходящую в зависимость) и удовлетворения с нею связанных ценностей (безусловная любовь, принятие, забота) в других источниках.
Ребёнок, который не получает от родителя удовлетворение в потребности нравиться — будет искать другие доступные возможности эту потребность реализовать и часто эти способы могут быть угрозой его собственному здоровью.
Подобный поиск симпатии очень похож на подростковые стремления быть своим в компании, когда ради авторитета у сверстников ребёнок идёт наперекор родительским запретам и не только родительским.
Таким образом, поиск авторитета вне семьи, согласно Ньюфелду, — признак нарушенной привязанности, так как у ребёнка врождённо заложена потребность в принадлежности и схожести со Своими Взрослыми. Вопросы дисциплины, передачи культуры и ценностей семьи должны проходить через установление этой самой надёжной привязанности.
Итак, резюмирую:
Привязанность ребёнка к своему родителю удовлетворяет основные эмоциональные потребности ребёнка — безусловном принятии, собственной ценности и значимости, если ребёнок не получит этого в родительской семье он будет искать ее за пределами семьи и порой ценою этим поискам является вся жизнь. Ведь задача каждого человека — это самореализация и свобода, а человек не получивший привязанность в детстве всю жизнь будет искать ее удовлетворения.
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